


Tis the Season to Be Jolly

by Anytha



Series: Head Canon Prompts [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy, Angst, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Pre-Series, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-06 21:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anytha/pseuds/Anytha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winter meant hot chocolates with Fitz under a shared blanket while watching a movie, Christmas, snow and random snowball fights with Fitz, warm sweaters over her blouses, Fitz's scarf around her neck as he took her hand in his when he deemed she was bloody freezing and... and she didn't know when her favorite season started to revolve around Fitz so much.. EDITED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story from the prompts of my 50-Sentences fic. I decided to start with this one because I realized that I didn't write anything for Christmas..
> 
> This should have been a one-shot but it has turned out to be an enormous two-shot. Next chapter will be out this weekend.
> 
> And it was also meant to be a lot fluffier: I blame myself for that. I was hearing Carey Brothers 'Holy Night' during most of it and this beautiful song just makes the angsty feels just ooze out of me..
> 
> I'll try to make the second part more bearable..
> 
> There are many head-canon things in here. I'll try to explain, expand and describe them better throughout these prompts. Just tell me if something is too confusing.. ;)
> 
> The prompt was #8. Cold.
> 
> I hope that you like it: please, leave a comment..
> 
> So…Here's my holiday contribution to the FitzSimmons fandom. Happy holidays to all of you guys..:)
> 
> P.S: This story has been re-edited. Thanks to StarryDreamer01 who has become my wonderful Beta. :)

* * *

_-5 years old-_

Jemma eagerly looked out of the window, watching the snow falling for the first time in her life. She liked the way the white flakes looked against the glass panel: their shapes were really, really pretty.  She tried to draw some of them on her drawing book but she didn’t really like them there. They weren’t as pretty...

She had wanted to go out to see them better and had Mummy dress her with her favourite red , fluffy coat and scarf, mittens and hat that Santa had brought her yesterday for Christmas along with toys and lots and lots of _books_! Books with words and not only pictures: grown-up books like the ones Mummy and Daddy read.

But now she wanted to go out and see the snowflakes. She wanted to touch them and feel them and see if they were cold as Mummy said.

-:-

  
Elaine Simmons bundled her daughter as much as she could.

This sudden snowstorm had hit Sheffield quite viciously in the past days, regaling them with a White Christmas that had truly delighted Jemma – it was the first time she ever saw snow- but was slightly worrying her and her husband Jeremy. They hoped that the weather would get milder before they had to get back to work at the Hospital in two days: the thought of being stranded and away from their daughter wasn’t something they wanted to even _think_ about.

“Mummy! Hurry up!”

Elaine was drawn out of her thoughts as she heard her daughter’s voice. She smiled and gently tied the scarf around her neck.

“I’m almost done, sweetheart,” She said, “I don’t want you to get cold outside.”

“Is snow really so cold, Mummy?” Her brown eyes were big with curiosity. Her little girl was very bright for her age and wanted to know everything and anything that came to her mind.

“It is, Jemma. Remember what I explained to you earlier? It’s so cold outside that when it starts to rain, the drops fall down and-..”

“-And  freeze! The  water drops turn to ice, right Mummy?!” The little girl almost bounced up and down and she repeated her mother’s previous explanation.

Elaine smiled tenderly and stood up, gently caressing her daughter’s cheek.

“Yes, sweetheart. “ 

The front door opened and Jeremy walked in, carrying a shovel that he had used to clean a path through their garden to the gate.

“Path’s clean,” He remarked, looking at his wife with a smile. He then looked down at the little wool bundle in red and white that was his daughter, his smile broadening.

“Now, who’s ready to make a snow man?”

“I am, Daddy!” Jemma exclaimed, literally bouncing up and down, her hat flopping around. “You will teach me, right?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Hereplied. “And we will make snow angels and lots and lots of other fun things..”

Jemma beamed at her father and rushed out of the open door, her parents right behind her, watching their daughter interact with snow for the first time.

Jemma stopped on the threshold as soon as a gust of wind hit her face.

“It’s cold, Daddy!” She shrieked, scrunching her nose. She then looked outside and her eyes widened as she saw the garden covered in a white blanket. She turned around with a wide smile. “But it’s so pretty!”

Elaine and Jeremy looked at each other and smiled softly. Their baby girl ran out and started dancing in the snow, snowflakes fluttering around her. Happiness was radiating from her.

“Let’s go out with Jemma,” Jeremy remarked, slipping on his gloves. “Let’s make the most with these days that we get to spend with her without thinking of work..”

Elaine nodded, putting on her coat. They only had these two free days before going back to work and her mother would be staying with them for the rest of the holidays until Jemma went to school.

Speaking of school...

“Should we be worried about the school’s headmaster wanting to talk to us next week?” She asked, looking at her husband. His brown eyes shone brightly.

“Not at all..” He assured her. “He will just want to tell us that our baby is very smart. I doubt there are many five year olds that can read and write like her. Has she started reading any of the books she got?”

“She was starting the fairy tales collection your mother gave her...” Elaine grinned. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is the first story.”

Jeremy grinned back and they both approached their daughter.

  
-:-  


The Simmons’ family spent the afternoon outside, building snowmen (because one snowman would be alone, so we have to make him some friends, right Daddy?) and snow angels .

When they decided that it was too cold to stay outside (mostly because they were soaked), Elaine started to strip Jemma off her clothes before taking a bath.

“Did you like playing outside in the snow, sweetheart?” She asked, carefully rubbing her daughter’s hair and red cheeks with a towel.

Jemma beamed.

“I loved it, Mummy!” She exclaimed enthusiastically, “It is really, _really_ cold but snow is fun. I really like winter: there’s my birthday, then Christmas, all the presents and there’s snow! And I like it even more because you and Daddy are home and we get to play and stay together all day!”

Elaine’s heart melted a little at her girl’s honest words. She caught a glimpse of Jeremy standing at the door, smiling at the two of them.

-:-

A week later, the school Director told the Simmons’ that Jemma wasn’t only very bright but _too_ bright. At least for her current class of four and five years old, so she was going to be moved to Year 2 after the holidays.

They didn’t really have much of a say on it.

Jemma was enthusiast that she could learn more. Her only query was whether her new classmates would like her and if they would be her friends.

Elaine and Jeremy told her that they would like her but they both shared the hidden concern that a five year old wasn’t going to be easily accepted by a group of seven and eight year old.

They just hoped that Jemma’s innocent radiance would help her.

 

-:-

 

_-10 years old-_

 

Jemma walked out of her classroom, school bag's straps latched on her shoulders, heavy with books and notebooks and headed to her locker. She carefully made her way through the crowded hallways, crammed with students rushing past her as the bell rang announcing the start of winter holidays.

She was the shortest person walking through the throng and had to carefully avoid bags, elbows, instruments or sports' equipment that accidentally (or _intentionally_ , she learned pretty soon) was swung her way.

She was the youngest of the school and yet the brightest. She was already taking advanced classes: senior classes even though she was in her third year of secondary school. Even though she was only ten while her classmates were fourteen or fifteen.

She crouched down to her locker and opened it, barely avoiding a hockey stick to her head.

“Sorry.” A boy quickly told her, looking down. She looked up with a smile.

“Don't worry,” She said, looking up. Her smile faltered slightly as the boy looked at her, then something close to recognition crossed his eyes and he looked away, hurrying away with his friends.

Of course, this unknown boy would know her. Everyone, from the seventh to the eleventh years, knew who she was.

They called her in many ways. Little freak. Genius freak. Little Genius Freak.

That's what the majority thought she was: a freak.

And though her mind was telling that it wasn't true, that she was just a little bit more intelligent and that's why she had skipped three years, her heart clenched, trying not to get hurt again and softly agreeing with the rest of the students.

She quickly took her books and got up, heading to the exit. Her father should be there waiting for her..

As she walked, she saw a group of girls of her year. They were all huddled together by their lockers, holding their books either casually in their hands or tightly against their bosom, laughing to something one of them had said and talking to each other.

A blonde girl noticed her and waved. She slowed down, waving back. The group turned to look at her as one.

“H-Have a nice Christmas, Mary.” She said with a smile, ignoring the sudden attention and trying to act calm.

“You too, Jemma.” The girl replied, smiling softly. The other girls nodded at her and they all turned around, ignoring the little ten year old again.

Jemma's heart twisted again as she walked on.

That was something she didn't have.

Friends.

There were people that acknowledged her like Mary Hallows who was gentle and polite with her but wasn't really her friend. There were people who ignored her, like the other girls in the school, not interested in a little, scrawny ten year old who talked too much about school and got excited about biology and chemistry but didn't know anything about boys, boy bands and make-up.

Well.. it _was_ true that she didn't know anything about boys (they were mean to her! Only her cousins Rory and Dean were all right..and they were respectively five and seven years old now..) or make up (but Mum told her that she would teach her soon!) but she knew a bit about music. And she adored books, films and Disney cartoons!

She soon realized, after her first and only attempt to socialize with some of her classmates, that talking about what she liked wouldn't help her.

It only showed them how different she was from them.

It had her marked as the little girl. _Literally_. Most of the boys of the school, the ones that didn't just ignore her, started teasing her. Making fun of her when she was in class as she answered correctly at any question thrown at her. The little shoves or hits in the halls started but they ended quickly after she told her parents and the teachers talked to everyone.

The teachers were indifferent to her too. Of course, they couldn't favour her but they didn't allow her to be part of something either.

It was almost as though they were scared of her.

What scared Jemma, however, was the fact that she didn't know if she would _ever_ find someone - _anyone_ \- that could understand her.

She walked outside and saw her father's car and waved at him, smiling, as he did the same. She made her way through the light blanket of snow.

Her parents understood her. She could talk to them and ask questions that came to her about biology and they would explain and keep up with her reasoning but she had the sinking feeling that this would change at some point.

Jemma wasn't blind or stupid. She knew that she was intelligent and her thirst for knowledge increased day by day. She knew that there would come a day when she would know more than her parents did and they just couldn't understand her any more. Not for their choice but because she was too far away from them.

A small part of her head was telling her to just stop it and be like the others. Stop yearning to know more.

But she couldn't do it.

Her parents had taught her to dream and do everything she could to achieve her dreams. They still told her to do so. She wanted to become a doctor: a biologist. She wanted to make her parents proud of her.

She kicked the ground with her boots and a bit of snow flew around her.

She could build a snowman this evening. It was too early to start the homework she had: she could start _that_ tomorrow. She could treat herself a free evening and have some fun.

Dad would drop her home and then go to work, being back with Mum for dinner. She could build a snowman and then read that amazing sci-fi novel Dad had given her and wait for them.

She ignored the slight pang in her chest when she thought that it would have been nice to have a brother or sister to play with. It would have been less... lonely.

She had asked her Mum years ago and she never talked about it again. Her Mum's face was so sad when she told her that she couldn't have other babies and then so unbelievingly happy when she hugged her and said that Jemma was her little miracle.

Jemma decided that that it didn't matter if she was lonely.

She had her parents who loved her. Her grandmother, uncles, aunts and cousins that loved her as well (although she got to see them rarely if not for the holidays..).

She would do as her parents said: appreciate what she had and smile. It was her favourite season, it would be Christmas in a few days and she would get to see her whole family.

'Everything will be fine..'

-:-

Jeremy drove and smiled as Jemma chattered about school and homework. He quickly glanced at his little girl, seeing how her eyes shone when she spoke of science.

She was so bright... Both he and Elaine were so proud of her.

“What are you going to do today?” He asked. “First day of the winter holidays so I am _obliging_ you not to study.”

Jemma giggled.

“Daddy, you are probably the only parent that prohibits his daughter to do her homework!”

“Well... I am a Modern-Day father...” Jemma laughed loudly. He smiled and pressed on. “Well?”

“Oh.. I wanted to build a snowman in the garden! I didn't have a chance to do it yet and it won't be Christmas if there isn't a snowman outside.”

Jeremy nodded, quickly hiding a slight grimace at the fact that she was alone to keep up with this small family tradition. Jemma noticed immediately.

“Or maybe, I can wait until Rory and Dean arrive and we could all build it together! You and Uncle Andrew could help too. What do you think, Daddy?”

“Yes, we could,” Heasserted. “But then what would you do today?”

“I was also thinking about reading the book you gave me.”

“What about your... friends?” Jeremy ventured carefully. “You could call them, ask them to come over or go over to their house.”

“Everyone is really busy now, so close to Christmas. I will stay at home and read your book, Daddy.” She gave him a brilliant smile.

Jeremy nodded again, holding back a sigh at his daughter’s standard and curt answer.

Jemma had never had a friend come home with her. She had never gone to a friend's house either.

He could see the loneliness behind her eyes but his little girl, his sweetheart, always put up a brave face and a radiant smile and moved on.

It was the thing that he and Elaine had feared the most: Jemma to be shunned by her peers because of her intelligence and young age.

No ten year old should be so lonely and be forced to have such an adult-like attitude.

He just hoped that someone would come forward and just see the beautiful person that was behind the child genius.

-:-

He got his wish when Jemma graduated, four years later. She was offered a scholarship to MIT along with another child genius and when they were called to London by the Education Department's Secretary of State to discuss about it, the Simmons' met Leo Fitz and his family.

 

-:-

 

_-15 years old-_

 

Jemma's gloved hand held the phone tightly against her ear, eyes looking up as the snowflakes flew around fast. These sudden snow blizzards had been common these past days: she just had to wait till it stopped and then make a run to her dorm.

“Jemma? Sweetheart? Are you still there?” Her mother's voice sounded distant on the phone.

“Yes, Mum,” She replied, focusing on the conversation and not the weather. “It's just snowing hard and I have taken shelter in one of the campus' cafés: that's the reason for disturbed signal.”

“Oh, all right.. What are you doing out in that weather anyway? On Christmas Eve?”

“I had to buy some last minute Christmas presents,” Shereplied quickly. Namely, Fitz's present. It had taken her a while to find him something.

“Did you get something for Leo?” Jemma felt her face go warm at her Mum's teasing tone. She was always going on and on about the two of them being very close despite knowing each other for less than six months.

The two of them were close, yes, but there wasn't anything romantic going on. They just... clicked.

They could talk, discuss and argue about their study fields (she never realized how much biochemistry and  engineering could be similar at times...) and segued on any other subject.

It was amazing to find someone with whom she could talk, _really_ talk.

There was a link between them, an understanding that went beyond academics.

Fitz knew what it meant to feel like an outsider from childhood. He knew how it felt to be alone if though there are people around you.

“Yes, Mum. I got him a small gift.” It wasn't just for Christmas. It was also to thank him for being there for her. For being there when she lost her composure and just cried her eyes out shortly after her birthday when they learned that they couldn't leave the US and be home for Christmas because even though their scholarships covered the travel expenses, two flight tickets in 6 months was too much.

The underlying homesickness had erupted all together and she just started crying on the couch in their shared dorm where Leo found her coming back from class.

He had been hesitant, unsure on what to do. She knew that he didn't feel comfortable in touching or hugging but nevertheless, he sat down next to her and gently moved her head to his shoulder, allowing her to cry there as he slowly ran his fingers through her hair.

He had offered to go talk with the Administration Board, suggesting to let her leave alone, letting her use his share of travel expenses too, if they allowed it, but she refused.

As much as she yearned to be with her family, she couldn't really get herself to leave him behind. Alone.

His family situation was still...cloudy. She knew that his mother was in a wheelchair -she had met her and instantly liked her- and his father had died when he was eight – he had mentioned him once briefly. She suspected that there must have been an accident at some point during his life but she never asked about it, waiting for him to tell her when he was ready. His sister called many times, either on phone or Skype while his brother -who she knew existed only because she saw the Fitz family photo in Leo's room- never did.

He always looked as though he was torn between being close and far from his family.  There was always a melancholic hint in his eyes when he talked with his mother or sister.

She couldn't imagine what it meant to feel alone in your family and outside with the rest of the world.

It stopped snowing, she noticed and she took it as a cue to leave her shelter and walk back to her dorm.

“What are your plans for tonight?” Her mother asked softly. She could sense the sadness in her tone: it was the first Christmas that they didn't spend together. She tried to keep her own sadness at bay.

“Well, I will cook something for dinner,” She replied brightly and started listing a series of recipes that her mother and grandmother were really good at. Jemma smiled as her Mum gave her small cooking suggestions, the previous sadness gone.

She was at her dorm a few minutes later.

“Mum, I have to go now,” She said, stopping outside the building and looking up at her room's window. She saw a set of fairy lights set inside and smiled: Fitz had said that he would have taken care of the decorations..

“All right, sweetheart. Have fun today and we will talk to each other tomorrow.”

“Yes, I will call tomorrow morning after opening your presents.” She smiled softly. “Give Dad and Granny a big hug and send my love to everyone. I love you, Mum.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.” Her mother's voice was thick and Jemma felt her throat constrict but didn't give in to the tears.

“Bye.”

She quickly put her phone away and headed upstairs. The hallways were deserted: she realized that they had the dorm to themselves. She walked to their door and smiled as she saw the wreath of holly hanging outside. When she got in, she was greeted by a welcoming warmth, Christmas carols playing from Fitz's laptop and the Scottish student standing in the middle of their common room. He turned to her with a smile.

“Hey, you are back,” He said, “Well, what do you think? Too much?”

She took off her coat and scarf and looked around.

“Fitz, it's perfect.” She beamed at him. He grinned back.

There were lights throughout the room, by the window and on the door frames. The small Christmas tree that they had arranged despite classes and lectures had a stream of colourful lights on it and was perched on a small table, a series of gifts already beneath it.

Fitz dimmed the room's lights so their dorm was glowing in Christmas lights now.

“Glad to know you like it,” He said, turning the lights on. He looked quite proud of himself and he was smiling. She felt her lips tug upwards at that: he was contagious when he was in this mood.

She quickly put her garments in her room and dropped Fitz's present under the tree before heading to the kitchenette. It wasn't much but she could make a decent dinner.

And Fitz had tinkered with the old stove and oven, making them both work flawlessly.

“I've come up with a menu,” she remarked, quickly washing her hands in the sink. “Mince pies, roast potatoes, green salad and sprouts..and the cake I bought yesterday. What do you think?” She had gotten the ingredients out as she listed them.

Fitz stared at her in awe.

“Sounds awesome...and mouth watering,” He admitted. “How can I help?” She was about to shake her head when he approached her. “No. None of that. You're not slaving on the stove the whole evening alone.”

“You did all the decorations while I was out.”

“I only put the lights and some ornaments around. The tree was your doing while I was stuck in that Mechanical Physics evening lecture.”

She stared at him. He had come back and found her decorating the little tree with some random balls, stars and ornaments that she had brought in an open market nearby. They had spent the night decorating the tree together, exchanging stories of past Christmases.

It had been nice to do it together. And he looked so eager now...

“Alright... Wash and peel the potatoes, please.”

He grinned and set to work. She failed to hide her grin.

-:-

Dinner was almost done: they just had to wait for the pies and potatoes to bake and it would take a while.

Jemma looked out of the window and stared at the candid, untouched blanket of snow in front of their dorm.

“Anything wrong?”

She turned and saw Fitz standing next to her, blue eyes slightly concerned.

“No, don't worry,” She assured him.

“Are you thinking of home?”

“I'm not homesick.” He arched a brow and she good-naturedly rolled her eyes. “Alright, I _am_ still a bit homesick but I was just thinking about our little Christmas traditions..” He looked at her curiously and leaned against the window sill.

“What do you usually do?” He asked.

“Well... We decorated and cooked together-”

“You can check that out from the list since we did that already.” She glanced at him and smiled.

“Yes..I'm just being silly, Fitz. Don't mind me..”

“But-”

“No. Really. I mean.. We're growing up, right? It's the process.. Something has to be left behind and you just have to make new things. In this case, new traditions.”

“Well..you can do both, Jemma,”she looked at him. “You can make new traditions and continue following the older ones. It's not really necessary to leave them back.” He looked at her with a small smile.

Jemma blinked. His simple logic had somehow baffled her.

“So.. what Simmons' Christmas tradition is still missing?” He asked.

“It's..silly...” she mumbled, blushing. He grinned cheekily.

“Nothing scandalous I hope..”

“Oh Fitz!” She rolled her eyes and bumped him with her hip. He swayed in place, laughing slightly. She chuckled along with him.

She liked this carefree side of him. She liked seeing him smile, joke and be so easygoing. And, surprisingly, she liked that she could be so at ease with him too.

The first weeks of their living together had been slightly..awkward. Having never lived with anyone but family, living with a complete stranger of the same age and opposite sex had been a bit disconcerting. This added to the fact that they were alone in another country.

It had taken a few days to get used to their dorm and MIT, in general. Then another more to get used to each other's presence. Then they had fallen into a routine of lunches, teas and dinners together, of study sessions in the library or in their rooms and of quiet evenings of reading together or watching a movie or a TV-series on the couch.

Jemma's heart couldn't contain the happiness of finally having a friend. A friend that she was learning to know and understand. Someone that she could learn to trust. Someone that wouldn't laugh about her..

And she hoped that he would trust her back as well.

She looked at him as the setting sun's light hit his curly hair, his eyes blue and bright, his smile soft. She looked at his wristwatch.

“Can you set an alarm on that?” She asked.

“Er-yes,”he replied, surprised at her question. “Why?”

“Set it to ring in...” She looked at the clock on the wall. “Fifty minutes.”

He did as was told, confusion still clear on his face. “Done.”

Jemma beamed and reached out for his elbow, dragging him to their rooms.

“Come on, then, put your coat on.”

“Why?”

“Because we have fifty minutes to build the Simmons' traditional snowman, Future-Engineer-Fitz.”

She waited for any reaction on his face and beamed when he smiled broadly at her.

-:-

Jemma didn't remember having so much fun in the snow since she was a toddler.

They had bundled up and rushed down the courtyard, thundering down the stairs like children, aware that the dorm was empty and that no one would complain. And they started to build the snowman together.

Or the _snowmen_ because somehow along the way, Fitz had started to talk about the Three Monkeys statue at the Tosho-gu shrine in Japan and they had attempted to build the snowy equivalents. How they ended up talking about the shrine was beyond her.. She wasn't surprised about the monkeys: Fitz loved them and had the tendency to slip a comment about them whenever he could. She found this little quirk of his quite endearing.

As they played with the snow (there really wasn't any other way to put it..), she explained how she always built a snowman before or shortly after Christmas with her father or cousins. How it became a tradition and her favourite game during her favourite season. Fitz smiled, understanding her feelings. He told her, slowly and cautiously, of a similar tradition that he used to have with his siblings when they were younger. They would build a snowman each and their parents would judge them on Christmas, the winner getting the largest piece of cake at dinner or another gift under the tree.

“But there really wasn't one winner,” Fitz explained with a fond smile, reminiscing, “The cake pieces would be all larger or the additional gift would be a game that the three of us could play together.”

His smile faded and she had to hide a frown as he explained how they stopped doing this when he was eight and his father passed away. His mother couldn't come out in the snow in her wheelchair and Bryce, his elder brother, didn't even bother to get out. It was his elder sister Alison that tried to keep up the tradition, mostly for his sake, he realized. But his snowman would be destroyed when he went to see it on Christmas. He knew that it had been Bryce but didn't have any proof. Alison would argue with him and their mother would try to calm them down. After two years of this, Fitz stopped the tradition and Alison had to stop trying as well.

Jemma felt something raw in her throat, understanding a bit of his pain. He shrugged and shook his head.

“That's the past,” He said and glanced at their snowmen. “These ones look brilliant, don't they?”

Jemma had to laugh at his tone and at their snowmen miming the Three monkeys: one with eyes closed, one with ears closed and the last with his mouth closed.

They took a picture with his phone in front of their snow creations, both smiling and his watch started ringing, announcing that they had to get dinner ready.

-:-

Jemma was on the couch, some Christmas movie playing on TV and watched as Fitz rummaged in the kitchenette. She wondered if he was still hungry: they had literally polished off everything at dinner, after a hot shower, but maybe he still wanted something more. She vaguely remembered her mother mentioning teenage boys’ ravenous appetites and even though he was lanky and thin and completely unlike the majority of them, Fitz was one too.

He walked back, holding two mugs and handed one to her before sitting down. Jemma took the mug with a curious look.

“Hot chocolate with candy cane mint,” Fitz explained. “I have been meaning to try this for a while..”

“Have you now?” She remarked teasingly, taking a sip. And she closed her eyes, making an appreciative sound in the back of her throat as the rich taste hit her taste buds.

“Good?” He asked, taking a sip himself and sighed softly. “No, scratch that. This is-”

“-wonderful,” She finished. “We're having this every year at Christmas from now on.”

He looked at her curiously and she felt a blush on her cheeks. Whatever was she thinking, saying that aloud..?!

“I mean.. If you want to.. I suppose we will be having other Christmases together..here. And-”

“Jemma..” He cut her rambling with a smile. “I understood and I agree: this is a new tradition to add to our Christmases.”

She smiled back and they both drank a bit more. From afar, they heard a clock chime. It was midnight.

It was Christmas.

“Happy Christmas, Jemma.”

She turned to Fitz and realized that this had been one of the best Christmas Eves of her life.

“Happy Christmas… Leo.”

He looked pleasantly surprised at the usage of his first name but she hurried to explain.

“I..I hope you don't mind. You always told me that everyone calls you Fitz but.. You _do_ call me Jemma and since-since we are friends, I would like to call you Leo..”

He stared at her and then rubbed the back of his neck, a blush making its way on his face.

“I-I don't mind,” He stammered, looking adorably flustered. “I suppose that we should be both in first name basis...being friends.” He looked at her. “We are friends.” He looked almost incredulous.

“Best friends.” She ventured, smile broadening on her face.

“Yeah..” he agreed.

They stayed in silence for a moment before they both got up from the couch.

“I got you something.” They said in unison.

“You first.” “No. _You_ first.”

They stared at each other and nodded.

“Together.”

The both walked to the Christmas tree, grabbed their packages and then sat back on the couch in perfect sync. Jemma glanced at Fi-Leo and handed him his gift. He blinked and did the same.

“Come on, openit,” She insisted, taking his gift and leaving it on her lap.

“Er- alright.” He said and started to gently rip the paper. She watched him carefully, heartbeat increasing with the doubt that he wouldn't like it. It was the first time that she had to choose a gift for someone outside her family.

She watched his eyes widen in surprise and then he smiled, happily, and looked at her. She found herself smiling back in relief.

“You got me a TARDIS!” He exclaimed, holding the small blue object in his hand.

“Well..you did say that you didn't have any Doctor Who memorabilia..” She said, glad that he liked his present.

He looked at her curiously and she felt warmth spread across her face as he smiled softly.

“Thank you, Jemma.” He said. She smiled back, looking down at her lap and taking his gift to her. It was a small, thin package; probably a book or a DVD by the looks of it.

“It's not much...” He whispered, rubbing his neck with his free hand. “Yours is so much better..”

“Oh, hush...” She retorted and carefully opened the present. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw the familiar cover, a slight pang in her chest. Snow White and Seven Dwarves' Deluxe DVD.

“You...You did mention that it's your favourite and-”

“-that I had to leave my copy home because it was too worn,” She looked at him, feeling tears pricking her eyes. “Thank you, Leo. This is perfect.”

He blushed.

“We could watch it, if you want to...” He said tentatively, getting up and holding out a hand to take the dvd. She handed it out to him with an eager nod.

They spent the night watching the movie, sipping their chocolates together under one of her old blankets when the dorm's heating went down.

All in all, it had been one of their best Christmases..

-:-

The following Christmas had started as their worst.

They didn't realize it at first, both happy to be on their way home to spend the holidays with their families. It was only at the airport in London, when their families came to pick them up that they realized that they wouldn't be _together_.

Jemma had watched Leo leave with a heavy heart but understood that it was just for ten days. They had already been apart when they came back at the beginning of the year: they had called each other on the phone or Skype or text. This being a holiday, _Christmas_ , wouldn't change that..right?

She tried not to think about the fact that their last (and only) separation had been three days..

The urge to text him as soon as she got into the car was immense but she restrained herself, thinking that he was with his family and would want some time with them.

She waited until the day after,  Christmas Eve, and sent him a single text.

  
[16:25. To Leo:] Can I call you?

  
He called her less than a minute later and they spent an hour on the phone.

Their mothers noticed this of course: they had seen how restless they both were. They realized how codependent they had become. It was as though they didn't know how to be alone any more..

Elaine Simmons and Lena Fitz noticed how Jemma and Leo just smiled differently while talking on the phone with each other. That Christmas a new tradition was made when Elaine called Lena later in the evening and on Christmas Eve, the Simmons' were on their way to Glasgow to celebrate with the Fitz.

Leo and Jemma didn't spend one holiday apart ever since..

 

-:-

 

_-20 years old-_

 

“Do we really have to buy all of this things, Simmons?”

“Yes, Fitz, and please, stop complaini-”

“I'm _not_ complaining. I am just asking! We got back yesterday from my house and now you're buying enough food for another Christmas feast.”

“That's because our classes start tomorrow and between lectures, labs, lessons, projects -we have put the final adjustments to our work for Professor Cadman, by the way- we won't have time to do the groceries and-” She turned to look at him, shopping list in her hand and eyebrow arched in amusement. “I'm not the one that roams around the house, claiming that I'm starving when I don't find something that suits me in the fridge.”

Fitz blushed furiously.

“That happened once,” He grumbled and grabbed a bag of oranges, putting it into their shopping cart.

“I beg to differ,” She retorted, mentally ticking off his addition to the cart from the list. “Hmm..Apples.” She looked at the fruit display in front of her. “Fuji or Stark?” She asked, turning to him.

“Stark of course.”

“Why do I bother to ask...?” She mumbled, taking a bag, failing to hide a smile as he grinned.

They quickly did their shopping, talking as they added items to their cart, bickering as she attempted to stop Fitz from adding more bags of french fries and chips than necessary.

Jemma used their common money to pay while Fitz put everything in the bags. She was going to help him carry the bags out when the cashier stopped her.

“Miss, your boyfriend forgot this out,” She said and held out a pack of men's razor blades. The ones Fitz used to shave.

Jemma felt her face flush.

“H-he's not my-”

“Ach..Sorry. I missed that.” Fitz quickly stepped forward and took the packet, putting it in one of the bags before turning to leave. She noticed that the back of his neck was red.

“Thank you,” She said to the cashier and left after him.

“Fitz..” She called, seeing how he was walking unbalanced by the weight of three shopping bags. He didn't seem to hear her and just walked on.

Things between them were edgy at times. It wasn't something that happened constantly but there were moments when they just couldn't look at each other.

Something had changed in their dynamics ever since they had decided to enter the Academy.

Since their fight when he decided to quit everything and live in Scotland where he could help his mother and just let her go on alone. It had taken them arguing harshly for hours to get him to admit that he truly wanted to come with her as it had been his brother's venomous words to seed doubt in his head.

It had taken her a while to force some sense in him, to tell him to do what he really wanted. Not what others expected him to do.

And then he kissed her.

And something changed. In her. In him. In _them_.

Jemma blushed slightly, recalling that kiss. Heated. Passionate. Hands roaming up her face, through her hair and then down her back as she did the same.

They had shared three kisses throughout their five years of friendship: one after their graduation, out of pure curiosity and helped by the fact they were both a little bit tipsy, the second to spite his brother Bryce who was teasing him mercilessly with his friends at his sister's wedding and then... _that_.

She didn't have experience in long lasting friendships but she knew enough to understand that kissing your best friend wasn't an expected behaviour.

And having mixed feeling towards said friend, a friend with whom she _shared_ a dorm room and with whom she was together _every_ moment, wasn't usual either.

She shook her head, clearing all thoughts and concentrated on Fitz now.

“Fitz!” She called, stopping him, grabbing his arm. He swayed precariously on the spot.

“Simmons, take it easy!” He said.

“Come on, you prat, let me help you.”

He looked at her, blue eyes cautious. She smiled at him softly.

“Come on, Fitz..”

He reluctantly handed her a bag. A gust of wind hit them both, making Jemma shiver. He frowned.

“You cold?” He asked, putting the bags down. She rolled her eyes.

“It's January, Fitz. I'm bound to be cold.”

He stared at her. She felt her face flush at his scrutiny.

“Your scarf is useless,” he muttered and removed the large, woolly one that he was wearing from his neck.

“Fitz, what-?” She stopped talking as he wrapped the scarf around her neck. It was warm and smelled of mint, solder and metal and something that was typically Fitz. “But...what about you?”

“I'm fine,” he replied, straightening the high collared sweater he was wearing,then taking the bags and walking. She trotted along his side. “How can you like winter so much when you're always bloody freezing?”

She scoffed lightly.

“Easy for you... Being Scottish and hot-blooded and never cold..” She replied, tightening his scarf around her neck. “ _And_ you are male. Your winter clothing is more suitable for this season.”

“Suitable?” He asked, turning to her with an arched brow.

“Have you seen my sweaters?”

“Yeah.. I do our laundry too, remember?”

She rolled her eyes at him.

“What I'm saying is that my thickest sweater is paper thin compared to yours. It's a bit unfair, actually..”

Fitz looked at her thoughtfully.

“Hmm.. is that why you steal my sweaters when we're home?” He smirked as she blushed.

“That happened once..” She mumbled. She had been freezing that evening and his blue sweater looked very, very warm...

“I beg to differ,” he answered with a cheeky grin. She bumped him with her hip and laughed along with him.

Entering the Academy had been both a blessing and a curse, she realized, as she walked along his side towards their dorm.

They were seen as valuable scientists. Brilliant alone but outstanding as a pair. They were together in most (oh.. all right.. _all.._ ) the projects and finished them before anyone else.

Professors had started calling them FitzSimmons nowadays. A sole unit. One entity.

But the Academy was not Uni. There were additional rules and more secrecy.

Two weeks there and she and Fitz had stopped calling each other by their first name but by their last, just like everyone else did. It wasn't an obligation but somehow the unspoken Academy rule to be less intimate with each other had reached them too.

She missed calling him Leo, sometimes..

Their interactions were still the same. More in sync now that they were also studying together full-time. They had come to the point where they finished each other's thoughts and sentences.

It would be all perfect... if it wasn't for that kiss.

They both had quickly defined that kiss as an irrational action, a moment where they were sure to lose each other. They were both sure that they were going to be alone again.

And it was partly true... but not entirely.

She knew that there had always been that possibility. The possibility for them to step further and be more than friends and partners. To be lovers.

That possibility had revealed itself after that kiss but they had both been too scared to go on.

She had been terrified to take a step forward and lose the only person that understood her so completely. She was still scared about these lingering feelings that have been claiming her heart ever since they kissed.

She knew that Fitz was feeling the same and shared her same doubts. She had noticed his reactions around her whenever people made comments about them. She had lost count of the times they had been mistaken for a couple.

But he was also reacting against it.

He tended to flirt with girls, talk to them and get them to laugh at his jokes. He wasn't so lanky and scrawny any more. He had gotten taller, his accent and blue eyes caught girls' attention. He noticed them too and asked them out for a cup of coffee.

He had a date that very afternoon with a girl of their Chemical Kinetics class.

She had felt something, a slight pang in the chest but nevertheless had smiled and listened as he talked about it. Given advice too.

However, she did notice how _he_ looked when a boy came to talk to her. His eyes would harden, shoulders tense and jaw lock for a moment.

She didn't know what to think of this.

It was all so confusing... But she was going to react to. She had to.

“Simmons?”

“Hmm?” She turned to him. He was staring at her.

“You spaced out. We're here.” They were in front of their room.

“Oh..” She quickly took out her keys and opened the door.

“Are you alright?” He asked, depositing the bags on the small kitchen's table.

“I'm fine, Fitz,” she assured him. She looked at him and saw the glint of concern in his eyes. “Really. I was just thinking about many things together..”

He nodded at her, still unsure. She took off her coat and his scarf and handed it out to him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You're welcome..” He murmured back. He went to empty the contents of one of the shopping bags when she stopped him.

“I'll do it, don't worry. You will be late with your date with Fields.”

He stared at her.

“Well..No, I'll help and then-”

“No, really, Fitz. You have to be there at 4 o'clock, right? Come on, you've got half an hour,” She walked past him, carrying a carton of milk and gently nudged him on the shoulder with her shoulder. “Go, get prepared.”

He kept looking at her and for a fleeting second, she hoped that he would say that he wasn't going and that he would rather stay with her.

When he nodded slowly and retreated to his room, she berated herself because, of course, Fitz liked her presence and staying with her but he also wanted to be with other people. Other women.

She had almost ordered everything when he came out, holding his blue sweater.

“Here.” He thrust the garment in her hands.

“Fitz..?” She looked at him in confusion.

“It looked better on you... and you did seem to like it a lot,”he remarked, smiling slightly. She blushed. “I'll be back for dinner. You know what, I can pick up something coming back: Chinese or Thai?”

She smiled at him.

“Chinese sounds good..”

“All right.. Chinese then. I'll pick up the usual..” He grinned. “We could try the Thai tomorrow at lunch. What do you think?”

“I'm sorry, Fitz...” She replied, feeling something twist in her stomach. “I..promised Richard Hayton -remember, from Photonic lab- to have a cup of coffee together tomorrow at lunch.”

She tried to ignore that his eyes flashed with something close to hurt. She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach again.

“Oh..Well, we can try it another day.” He picked up his coat and she noticed how he seemed to fumble with the buttons as he put it on with gloved hands.

Something twisted in her heart. She went to help him, swatting his hands away.

“How about a movie after dinner?” She asked with a smile. “Your pick...but nothing with Apes or Monkeys.”

He looked at her for a moment before smiling softly.

“All right..” He remarked.

He wrapped his scarf around his neck and turned to leave.

“See you later,” She whispered. “Have fun..” It came out so softly that she wondered if he heard her.

“See you later..” He replied.

She walked back to her room with his sweater in her arms.

They were friends. Nothing more.

 

Then why did it sound like a lie...?

 

-:-

 

It _was_ a lie.  


She found out years later when she was throwing her life away, jumping off a plane with him screaming her to stop, that it was a lie.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow..You guys are so amazing! This story has received enormous response...Thank you so much..:)
> 
> So, I was working on this chapter when I watched the intro to the new episode of AOS and I got inspired in a completely new way. The middle section of this story came out through that. I hope you like it..
> 
> Please, leave a comment.. :)
> 
> P.S: This story has been re-edited. Thanks to StarryDreamer01 who has become my wonderful Beta. :)

* * *

_-23 years old-_    
  


“I told you-” “I _know_ , Fitz.”

  
She turned and glared at him over her glass of wine. He eyed her over his glass and shrugged before turning his gaze elsewhere.

She hated it when he was right.

Coming to this End-of-the-Year Sci-Ops party had been a mistake but she was never going to openly admit it to him.

She would _never_ hear the end of it.

All in all, she had hoped that the event would have been more interesting but it was like attending another convention. A _bland_ convention.

With some Christmas and New Year accessory strung here and there. And some music on the background.

Clusters of people -mostly, senior agents who were twice their age- were talking to each other softly. The other younger agents -scientists and field mingled together- were scattered around them.

She sighed softly, sipping the wine in her glass, trying to curb the disappointment welling in her stomach.

This was the first time she( _they_ ) had actually gone to a Sci-Ops party. This party in particular was something that many fellow Agents had talked about.

She had never been the party type; the few she had attended in the last years were mostly award ceremonies for something she and Fitz had discovered, written or built together. Fancy cocktail parties where the science world converged to give a plaque, a round of applause and discuss new theories.

She usually enjoyed those parties. She and Fitz were always the youngest there and discussing theories with other scientists that had -literally- paved the way for their studies and discoveries was thrilling.

And it was refreshing to talk with someone that wasn't competitive like most of the SHIELD scientists.

Honestly, it was like being at Uni again sometimes...

She glanced at Fitz by her side, sipping on his glass of wine, in this quiet corner where they were standing after midnight and exchanging their new year's greeting. He looked bored like hell.

Just like she was.

“Fitz?”

“Hmm..?” He turned to her, blue eyes oddly clearer in the party's mellow lights.

“Shall we go?”

“Thought you'd never ask...” He took her glass and put it on a table along with his . “I'll get our coa- Oh, bloody Hell, Professor Vaughn's here.”

Jemma turned and followed his gaze. Sure enough, she saw the grey-haired man that was their previous Supervising Officer.

“Do you think he saw us?” She whispered, starting to walk slowly towards the door. Fitz shook his head as he walked by her side. They were both watching him from afar as they moved.

Professor Vaughn was even worse than the competitive scientists they worked with. He had been their S.O as soon as they got to Sci-Ops after the Academy. He had taken them under his wing, the two prodigies that had graduated from the Academy three years earlier, and helped them around.

She had immediately noticed that the man seemed very... clingy to them. It wasn't unusual to have professors or seniors particularly fond or interested in them. They were both young and brilliant and had achievements that older scientists didn't have. Some teachers saw them as minds that would aid science in the future.

But Professor Vaughn seemed to be aiming for more.

It was Fitz that noticed how he seemed to breathe on their necks whenever a work assignment arrived.

They had their dynamics: they knew how the other worked and how they worked together. The year at the Academy had just enhanced their compatibility and synchronism.

Having a third party question everything they did or asking to do something in between, just slowed them down but nevertheless they got their work done.

But hearing him say, once in front of some Agents coming from the HUB, that _their_ work -as in FitzSimmons _plus_ Vaughn- had allowed to create a device useful during a mission, had been the final straw; especially when said device had taken a series of nighters from both her and Fitz, in their lab and in their shared flat, to test and finish while Professor Vaughn was no where to be found.

They had never had many collaborations with other scientists during their assignments. It was usually just them but they were partial to working with other people. It was a way to learn more, exchange theories and experiences.

She had been used to see people envying them: it had happened at Uni and a few times at the Academy. She didn't expect this to happen at a SHIELD facility. She surely didn't expect an S.O to try to manipulate others works for his purpose and career.

Fitz had been furious and she had opted to change S.O and report him. A week later, they were moved to another lab, larger she noticed, and were let be. A senior agent announced them that they didn't need any supervising any more and were perfectly capable of working on assignments on their own.

They hadn't heard of Professor Vaughn for an year now. And they really didn't want to talk to him now either...

They made their way to the exit, quickly grabbed their coats and left.

“Finally!” Fitz exclaimed as soon as they were on the street. He took a deep breath, looking as an imprisoned man that was finally tasting freedom. She rolled her eyes at his antiques.

Honestly..It was as though she had forced hi- All right, maybe she _had_.

It had been snowing in the past few days: there were a few inches of dirty slush on the ground, white snow draped some of the parked cars. The street and pavement were glinting with a thin layer of ice.

“Fitz..” She slowly stopped walking. Her new heels were anything but suitable to walk on ice. The last thing she wanted was to slip and break some bone in her body..

He turned to her with questioning eyes and approached her, seeing that she had stopped. She reached out for his arm, latching to it and looked at his face with a small grimace.

“Call a taxi, will you? I will never make it home if I walk on these.” They had come here by taxi too.

He looked at her, from her heeled shoes, up her knee-length, dark blue wool dress along with her charcoal coat and then her face. She ignored the flutter in her stomach and was immensely glad for the darkness that hid the redness seeping onto her cheeks.

“Well.. We could find a way to bend the heels and turn them into skates. That would give those ice picks a true purpose.” He teased her with a cheeky grin.

“Oh, shut up..”

He reached for his phone, chuckling, and quickly dialled the number, calling a taxi.

“Ten minutes,” he said, putting the phone away.

“Good..”

They stayed in silence for a few minutes, swaying slightly on the spot. A gust of wind made her tighten her grip on his arm, huddling closer. He looked at her with a small frown.

“You're going to freeze,” he stated. He took his hand out of his pocket and reached for hers, untangling it from his arm. “Scratch that: you've already _frozen_.” He winced and took her hand in his, burying both in his pocket. She sighed deeply as warmth spread out throughout her fingers, trying to ignore the fact that their hands were clasped together.

“These shoes might not be that bad after all...” She remarked absently, balancing herself again. “We are almost the same height now.” She was truly looking straight in his eyes, his curls swaying slightly with the wind. Fitz snorted.

“I hope that wasn't the reason that got me to take you and my sister for a three hour shopping tour in Glasgow,” he said. She bumped her hip to his, managing to keep her balance. He might be right about the skating: the balance theory was the same...

“Alison just wanted to help me find something nice to wear and get you something to look dashing as well.” She eyed him, taking in his dark suit, striped shirt and blue tie. He did look good.

He held her gaze for a second before looking away. She smiled slightly as she saw him blush.

“Her words not mine,” she teased.

“Oh, shut up... Never thought I'd regret the day you and Ali bonded,” he mumbled and she giggled softly.

She has always enjoyed spending time with the Fitz's. She had yearned for siblings as a child and, somehow now, she found herself with Alison as an elder sister and her husband Alec as a brother.

Alison had taken her under her wing from the moment she walked into her house at seventeen, after the first (and gratefully only) Christmas Eve, she and Fitz hadn't been together.

She had immediately liked the twenty-three year old woman who shared Fitz's sandy brown hair , mischievous smile and dry sense of humour; who wanted to become a teacher(and became one) because she loved children; who would ruffle her little brother's hair and tease him whenever she could because she liked to see him smile.

Who had invited her to her wedding, two years later, and had hugged her, whispering in a choked voice that she was glad to have her in their family and for being there for Leo.

Jemma hadn't been able to come up with a decent answer and just blushed.

It wasn't as though what she said _wasn't_ true, she realized later on. She considered the Fitz’s as an extension of her family now. Her parents adored them; hell, they have been spending Christmases together since she and Fitz were sixteen. She was pretty sure her Mum and Lena Fitz regularly phoned and saw each other.

And she _really_ didn't want to know what they talked about. She and Fitz had been on the receiving end of too many knowing glances coming from their mothers.

And her father. And Alison and Alec. And the Sci-Ops agents. And their professors.

And...bloody _everyone_.

People just assumed that they were together. As a couple.

But it wasn't that simple... Her relationship with Fitz was _anything_ but simple.

It was friendship. It was partnership. It was familiarity. It was constancy.

And between these layers, there was a hazy cloud of something that neither could define but had decided to ignore.

They both might be geniuses...but they were bloody idiots too.

“Hey..”

She felt her fingers being squeezed and turned. Fitz was staring at her.

“What's wrong?” He asked. “You looked pensive.”

She sighed softly. These thoughts about _them_ were coming up too frequently lately. Instead, she voiced another thought that had been creeping in her mind.

“I was just thinking that if I hadn't been so adamant about this bloody event, we could have stayed at your house for another few days,” She looked at him, feeling guilty. “I'm sorry. I know that you would have loved to spend more time with your family.”

He shook his head with a soft smile. She felt him squeeze her fingers in his pocket again.

“Don't worry,” He reassured her. “I know that you really wanted to go to this party. We're usually overloaded with work and... I'm not really that _keen_ to go out when you suggest something.”

She smiled slightly at his admission. She knew that he didn't like going out to crowded, noisy places. He was partial to small gatherings like pubs and restaurants but parties, concerts or going out to dance was out of his comfort zone.

As much as she liked being around people, she didn't really enjoy being surrounded by strangers. And -she learned this early on- she really cannot enjoy herself if she knows that he's uncomfortable.

“Yes..but we could have taken our time coming back.. You could have spent your entire birthday at home rather than half of it.”

That was somehow her deepest regret. Having Fitz only have a quick birthday lunch with his family and then go off to the airport to catch the plane back to Boston.

He bumped her shoulder lightly.

“Come on.. it's not like I usually celebrate my birthday at home. We're usually back in America before the 29th. We managed to get two weeks off this year only because we've been locked in our lab doing any assignment we've been given without taking an _hour_ of leave.”

It was true. Ever since they had been moved to this larger lab, they had been given assignment after assignment. It seemed that every mission had to go through them. It was rather flattering, actually, to be considered so highly by the superior officers and specialists in general, but it was also exhausting. These days spent with her family and then over at Fitz's house had been more than welcome for both.

“But-” He cut her short.

“And Bryce was going to be there till New Year and... You know that we can't be in the same room for long..”

She frowned slightly as she saw the dark look that flitted on his face. His relationship with his brother had always been troubled but it had gotten worse ever since Alison's wedding. And she couldn't shake off the fact that the rift had worsened because she had been involved.. somehow.

Fitz never told her what Bryce and his friends had said about her but it had been enough to make the normally-mild-mannered engineer go mad and make him punch both his brother and friend.

And get punched back.

The two brothers hadn't spoken more than three words to each other ever since.

She felt Fitz's stare and turned to him. 

She hadn't realized how close they were to each other. Her left hand was entangled with his right one inside his pocket. Her right hand was wrapped around his right arm. Their shoulders were touching.

He grinned at her and she felt a light tug in her chest.

“Though... I might have stayed more at home just for the sake of seeing Bryce getting mad because Kirstin and Kyle kept calling you _Auntie_ Jemma and didn't want to do the same with his wife.”

She blushed. Of course, he would say _that_.

Bryce had been furious, his wife Leslie embarrassed and Jemma had been mortified. It didn't help that Fitz and Alec had been unable to restrain laughs while Alison tried to explain her twins that 'Yes, you can call Jemma, Auntie even though she's Uncle Leo's friend but you have to call Leslie, Auntie because she's Uncle Bryce's wife. And... _no_ , Auntie Jemma is _not_ Uncle Leo's wife.”

Alison's three year old twins were adorable and she cared for them a lot. She had seen them grow up each Christmas and Alison always sent her pictures or made them talk to her when she talked or Skyped with Fitz. When they had started calling her Auntie, she had felt moved (and then embarrassed). The twins didn't really question her status in the family and had just embraced her as an Aunt that read and played with them. Now that Leslie had come into the family, her being an Aunt just like Jemma was confusing them.

“You should have stepped in to make them understand that just because I have been around them since their birth, It doesn't make me their aunt automatically.”

“Leslie has just entered their lives: she's a stranger and they're trying to understand how to deal with her,” Fitz remarked. “You've been there in all their long three years of life: they care for you more..”

Jemma felt warmth burn her face.

“Leslie was mortified,” she murmured.

“Yeah..but she seemed smart enough to understand the children's confusion. Ali and Alec will get them to understand. Don't worry...” He nudged her shoulder. “You'll probably be competing with Auntie Leslie next year for the best Aunt award.”

“As though I wasn't having a rough time competing with Uncle Leo, already..”

“Uncle Leo is amazing and out of any competition.”

Jemma smiled. Fitz adored his niece and nephew and they loved him back equally. Now that they had grown a bit more, they wanted to play constantly and Fitz was all for that.

“Yes, the amazing Uncle Leo that built a snow fort for the massive End-of-the-Year Snow Ball fight,” she teased. Then her tone softened. “I'm sorry... You would have been there if we could had stayed..”

He looked at her again.

“I told you-”

“FitzSimmons!”

They both turned to the voice calling them.

Jemma's eyes widened slightly and she felt Fitz tense.

It was Emily Ashton, level Two Sci-Ops agent. She and Fitz had been dating for a bit.

Two months, two weeks and three days.. but who's counting, right?

She quickly disentangled herself from Fitz and took a step back. He turned to look at her and she saw something close to surprise and hurt flash in his eyes. She suddenly felt cold and it wasn't only for the lack of contact.

“I thought I saw you two inside before...” Emily approached them, a slight smile on her face. “Just wanted to say hello.” Her eyes were fixed on Fitz.

And he just stared at her, his eyes oddly hard. Jemma saw that look only when Bryce was around.

The two had broken up suddenly and she didn't know what had happened. Fitz never spoke of his emotions or feelings: all that she knew of him were through years of friendship, living together and very rare moments when he felt like spilling his heart to her.

She just knew that he had been happy with her. He had liked her a lot: he spoke of their dates coming back home and asked her advice for more places to go.

And then one day, he came back with a dark face and the next day, Emily just disappeared from any conversation. She had tried to approach the subject but stopped when he shot her down with a quick 'She isn't the person I thought she was.”

Fitz didn't speak and she really didn't know what to say to the other woman. Emily sighed and shot a glance at her before looking at Fitz again.

“I'll be moving to France in a few days. I got a transfer to a facility in Bordeaux.”

Still Fitz didn't speak but just stared.

“That sounds fascinating,” Jemma blurted out, trying to ease whatever tension existed between the two. “You must be thrilled.”

The moment the words left her mouth, she felt utterly ridiculous. And Ashton must have thought the same because she looked at her with a smirk. Smirk that quickly morphed into a small smile.

“Yes,” she replied. “Well..I should be going. Happy New Year to both of you. I hope to see again..”

“Happy New Year and good luck in France,” Jemma said and glanced at Fitz. He must have caught her gaze because his shoulders tensed again.

“Goodbye,” he said curtly.

Emily looked at him and Jemma saw the pained look on her face as she turned around and walked away. She watched her make her way to a car parked a little further where -she noticed it only now- was a man waiting for her.

Jemma turned around and looked at Fitz. She never thought that she would feel sorry for Emily Ashton.

“Fitz..” She started but he quickly turned to her with a glare.

“ _Don't_.” His tone didn't allow questions.

“Whatever happened between the two of you?!” She was bewildered by his attitude. “I have never seen you behave like that with anyone beside your brother.”

That seemed to knock some sense in him because his face softened and looked to where Emily had gone. He ran a hand through his hair, sending his curls in various directions.

“It's..complicated,” hesaid softly and sighed.

She frowned slightly but didn't insist. She didn't want to force him into speaking to her.

They stayed in silence for a few minutes.

“Simmons?” She turned to him. His eyes were clouded. She couldn't understand if the hint of emotion in them was hurt or... anger?

“Yes?”

“Were you..Did you want to see someone at the party?”

His question was so completely out of the blue that she stared at him.

“ _What?_ Whoever would I have wanted to see? I didn't even know who went to this event!”

“I don't know... Eisen?” Jemma tensed and he smiled bitterly. “Were you hoping to see him here..?” He approached her. “Talk to him?”

“Erik and I haven't seen each other ever since we stopped going out together... and I definitely haven't been planning to meet him covertly here.”

She and Erik Eisen had been seeing each other for a while: a couple of months actually. He had been the only boy that she had seen for more dates. And he had been a really nice boyfriend -if she could define him so, they had never really labelled each other-.

There had been dates, kisses (snogging) and brushing touches but nothing more. Erik had always been very chivalrous with her and never insisted on anything but he did drop some hints every now and then. He lived in a dorm with other Sci-Ops agents so he kept asking subtly to go to her house. He was a male and physically attracted to her (she really didn't need to be a biologist to understand _that_..). And some part of her had been attracted to him too.

But she never allowed that. As much as she liked him (because he was cute and charming and, all in all, a nice, male specimen), she couldn't bring herself to take him home.

Home that she shared with Fitz. House that had the plaque _L.Fitz -J.Simmons_ at the doorbell.

It was _their_ home and she couldn't bring someone else there. She imagined Fitz seeing her enter the house with another man in tow.

The only thought made something twist inside her. Painfully.

Fitz must have had some similar thought because he never brought any girl home either. It was some sort of silent agreement that they had taken without talking about it.

They had been seeing other people but neither had ever invited any of them to their house or dorm room. Neither had ever slept out or somewhere else that wasn't their rooms.

It was all unsaid but yet they desperately tried not to hurt each other. She knew that doing something like that would just shatter the balance they had in their relationship.

“Why are you asking?” She queried softly.

“I was just wondering...” He replied just as softly, looking at her, “You never told me why you broke up.”

The answer was simple.

'Because of _you_.' She thought, 'But I can't tell you that..'

Erik had been very patient but then he just gave up. He talked to her and confessed that as much as he liked her, he couldn't compete with someone that had already grasped her heart so tightly.

Jemma had tried to protest but the attempts had been feeble to her own ears. They never mentioned Fitz but they both knew that he was talking about him.

Everyone knew about FitzSimmons. Everyone assumed that they were a couple. They had always denied it but some, like Erik, had seen the true nature of their relationship.

“It's complicated,” she replied, echoing his own answer. Fitz stared at her and then looked away.

Silence lingered between them again. The only sounds were from the cars, slowly driving around them, distant voices of people celebrating new year at one o'clock in the streets and the wind.

She was leaning slightly against a car, her coat getting damp against the layer of snow. She was staring at the ground, her thoughts shifting quickly. And then she heard footsteps and the car moved slightly as Fitz leaned against it, next to her.

“I'm sorry,” he said. 'I didn't mean to upset you.”

“I'm not upset,”she reassured him. “I shouldn't have asked you either.” She looked at him and found his gaze already fixed on her. “Sorry..”

He shook his head and smiled slightly. She felt something untangle in her chest and smiled back.

“Don't you think that those ten minutes have easily turned into twenty now?” She asked, looking around for any sign of their taxi.

“Yeah...” He remarked, frowning slightly. “It's surely taking its time..”

“Hm...” She turned to him and saw his clouded expression and gently bumped their shoulders. “Talk to me or I'll just keep thinking of these bloody shoes that are killing me.”

“I don't even remember what we were talking about before.”

“The End-of-the-Year Snow Ball fight that your nephew and niece will have forced your entire family to partake on.”

He laughed.

“Oh, that's for sure. They also have their fort.”

“A clear win: I pity their enemies.”

“You should. No one wins a snowball fight against a Fitz.”

Jemma turned to him with an arched brow.

“Really now?” He nodded and she snorted a laugh.

“You don't believe me.” His tone was incredulous. Jemma kept laughing and then caught a movement with the corner of her eye.

“Fitz, no!” She exclaimed and brought her arm up but it didn't block the hit. She felt icy droplets hit her face and hair. She lowered her arm and glared at him.

“You _didn't_ just do that,” she growled. Fitz grinned and he scraped another handful of snow from the car's windscreen.

“You asked for it,” he taunted her, stepping back and packing the snow with his gloved hands. “It's a matter of honour now, woman. Scotland against England.”

“Oh really, now..?” She remarked and quickly scraped a handful of snow in her hand from the car's roof and threw it at him without balling it up.

Fitz didn't expect the sudden attack and was showered in snow.

“This is war!” He exclaimed and threw the snowball at her. She twisted in her place, trying to duck but got partially hit on the shoulder.

Minutes passed and the battle continued. Jemma was limited to the cars next to her, mostly because of her handicap (she couldn't move around because of her high heels). Fitz ducked as she threw the snowballs and got ammunition from the cars away from her.

At some point, she hit him square on the face and doubled over in laughter as he stood there with a white mask, spluttering snow from his mouth. He mopped his face with his hand and grinned devilishly before tackling her. She squealed as her back hit the car and he trapped her there with his arms and body.

Their hands were clasped together as he tried to remove the snow that she was going to throw against him. They were both covered in snow and she looked at him -marvelling on how nice it was to be the same height- and she couldn't help but noticed how his curls, matted with snow, were in disarray, how his blue eyes shone brighter...

He looked at her curiously before smiling softly.

“Do you surrender?” He asked, voice strangely low.

She knew that he was talking about this snowball fight but something about his voice and tone sounded different to her. Some part of her brain, and her heart, heard the question in another context.

A situation where she would _gladly_ surrender. And then move forward, slanting her lips over his. Glide her hands through his messy curls. Bring their bodies together.

A situation where she wasn't afraid of rocking their balance.

And he was so close...  
  


“ _FitzSimmons?_ ”

  
They turned as one, again. Just to see the surprised face of Professor Vaughn. And Fitz sprung away from her immediately.

Before either could come up with anything to say, they heard a car honking and turned around again.

It was their taxi.

“Mother of all things, thank you!” She heard Fitz mutter. Jemma turned to Professor Vaughn.

“Sorry, we have to go. Happy New Year!”

“Yes, Happy New Year!” Fitz remarked and took her hand, walking to the taxi.

The driver got out of the taxi.

“You kids called for a cab?” He asked.

“Yes sir. “ Jemma replied. Fitz nodded next to her. They stayed still as the driver eyed them warily.

“No snowballs in my cab.” He stated clearly. They raised their hands.

“We're clean, sir,” Fitz said.

“Ok, get in.”

They scrambled into the taxi and while Fitz told the driver where to go, she turned around. Professor Vaughn was still standing there.

“I think we just shell-shocked Professor Vaughn,” she remarked as Fitz settled back on the seat with her.

He looked at her, lips twitching upwards. She couldn't keep a straight face either and they both started laughing.

When they calmed down, Fitz grinned at her.

“We should go to this event next year. Or maybe other ones,” He said, “It was quite fun after all..”

She grinned back and nodded.

-:-

They couldn't go to the coming year's event.

Shortly before the holidays, they were briefed by _Maria Hill_ herself and talked into joining an Elite Team. It had taken a few days to decide and mostly for her to convince Fitz that it was worth it.

Then they accepted the offer and were rewarded immediately with a Level 8 intelligence information.

Phil Coulson, Battle-of-New-York- _Hero_ Phil Coulson, _Avengers_ -Phil Coulson, was alive. And would be their Team Leader.

And _he_ had asked for _them_.

They spent their holidays at the Simmons' house, barely containing their excitement, and when they got back, they moved to the HUB for field assessments trainings.

Things were bound to change...

 

-:-

 

_-25 years old-_

 

_'Change of course. Briefing in 5.'_

 

“Again?” Fitz exclaimed as May's voice came out of the intercom. She heard him drop a screwdriver on his work space and sigh.

She looked up from her microscope and turned towards him. He had plopped on his chair and was dragging a hand across his face. He looked exhausted.

She really couldn't blame him for being tired: she was dead on her feet too. These past weeks had been hectic.

Ever since they got Agent Coulson back, they had been assigned mission after mission from HQ. It seemed as though HQ had deemed them as the only team that could work out 0-8-4s and other alien related situations.

She and Fitz had been working non-stop. She was still analysing the samples they had collected from their latest mission -some 0-8-4 that had landed in the Saharan desert and had turned a sandy patch of land into a full blown forest sucking the nutrients and energy from a few oases nearby- while Fitz was working on the machine's blueprints and trying to see if SHIELD could use it in a proper way.

They hadn't even finished writing the reports for HQ's Sci-Ops department yet...

Jemma took a deep breath and moved away from her microscope. She took off her goggles.

“We should go,” she said, turning to Fitz as she removed her lab coat. He looked up at her, his goggles slightly crooked. She smiled softly at him.

“Yeah..” He replied, standing up. She could hear his back popping ominously and saw him wince as he took off his lab coat.

“You should stand straighter while you work, Fitz,”she remarked as they walked upstairs. “Hunching up will only put more strain on your back and neck.”

“I've noticed that...” He said, craning his neck as he walked. Her hand reached automatically to the base of his neck, beneath his shirt's collar. She felt the warm skin under her fingertips and tight knots of muscle.

Fitz froze. His hand was tucked at the crook of his neck, skimming her fingers. She saw the red blush colouring his nape and the tip of his ears.

She felt a blush attack her face and quickly moved her hand away.

“I-I can give you a balm for that. Later,” she mumbled, resuming to walk and ignoring her errant heartbeat.

“Y-Yes,” He replied, walking along her side.

She slanted a glance at him, only to find him staring back. They quickly averted their gazes.

She silently cursed herself. She should know better than to go on and touch him like that. She knew how he reacted to physical contact.

And she _knew_ how she reacted to him in general.

Especially now that she knew that her feelings for him were _not_ platonic.

It had taken the Chitauri incident to make her understand everything. To make _years_ of carefully constrained feelings to just explode in her heart.

They walked into the monitor room, finding all their teammates there already. Jemma's gaze swept over them, taking in their appearance.

All in all, they had fared better.

Agent Coulson looked as sharp as ever in his suit and tie. He didn't even look as a man that had been tortured in a Centipede lab for days. The only thing that marked his fatigue were the slight bags under his eyes.

May looked as herself too. Just like Coulson, it didn't look as though she had been through two rough weeks of missions after days of having to find their team's leader. She wondered what sort of training the senior agents had taken to be so... indestructible.

Ward was standing next to Coulson, tall and straight as ever. He looked tired, she noticed. He was still recovering from the bullet wound at his shoulder and had been properly treated only days after the Bridge incident. He had allowed her to wrap him up in bandages without giving him painkillers because 'He had to focus to find Coulson'.

And the there was Skye, slumped on a chair, near the table, looking as though she could use some sleep. She looked as knackered as she was after a particularly gruelling training session with Ward.

Skye had been a bit of a pleasant surprise during these missions. Jemma knew that the brunette was an excellent hacker and had quite the attitude (she hasn't forgotten how she got through Ian Quinn's security) but it was her ability on the field that stunned her. She had been incredibly focused when they were searching for Coulson (as they all were..) and had put up some solo stunts that had got her more than one reproachful look by May and Ward but Jemma could see the glint of respectful pride in the senior agents towards this rookie that had joined them as a consultant and was now an official member of the team.

Jemma felt a rush of pride. She was proud to be part of this team. They had all started as a scattered group, all working alone -besides her and Fitz: they were _always_ working together- and now worked as a team. They had merged their wits and talents, creating the perfect balance to work together.

She remembered Coulson's proud smile when he saw all of them when he came back.

She was shaken out of her thoughts as the screen came to life and a dozen of SHIELD files appeared on screen. She quickly scanned the files and turned to Fitz with an arched brow. He was staring at her with an equally surprised look.

There were at least ten mission requests there...

It was Skye that voiced their question.

“Oh... I know that we're good but there's _no_ way we can get all of that stuff done on our own.” She stood up and looked at Coulson. “Seriously? Aren't there any other SHIELD Dream Teams that can do the work?”

“Yes... but the other teams seem to be occupied elsewhere at the moment.” Coulson replied and Jemma could clearly hear the hint of disbelief in his voice. “Anyway, we've been stationed at the HUB for the next two weeks.” He looked at the lot of them. “Victoria Hand's orders.”

She felt Fitz tense next to her. The air in the room was suddenly tense and she realized that this wasn't going to bode them any good..

-:-

“This is whole load of bu-”

“They're our orders, Skye.”

“Seriously? Have us work for them, busting our asses off just because we decided that Coulson had to be saved while they didn't think him _worth_ enough?!”

Jemma looked up and watched as Skye and Ward talked just by the lab doors; mostly Skye venting out her frustration.

“And then what? If they decide to split the team, will we just let them do it?”

She envied the other girl's capability of being so direct with her emotions. Jemma would have liked to scream her frustration too.

Victoria Hand had ordered the team to work from the HUB for a few weeks. That wouldn't have been that bad if it wasn't for the fact that every member would be off for a mission with other agents.

They would all be working solo.

She and Fitz had exchanged a startled glance at that. Never in all these years of partnership, had they ever worked on their own. Or apart. Fitz's two man mission with Ward in Ossetia had been the only case (thankfully) and it had been for barely two days.

But the missions they were going to face now were random. Some would take a day or two but others were indefinite.

She looked at Fitz. He was putting the DWARFS in their case, after a quick check up. His face was blank.

She wondered if he had realized all the implications of these missions.. Of them being divided. Of them unable to keep in contact.

Of them being alone.

She felt a shiver run down her spine as she carefully put away her portable microscope in her bag.

She and Fitz hadn't talked since leaving the monitor room: they had just moved to the lab and worked to gather the equipment they might need.

Ward's voice reached them. Clear and sharp. She looked up at him and saw that Fitz did the same.

“Skye, the team impressed everyone. We managed to get Coulson out of a Centipede lab on our own without additional backup. And we got information of their Organization as well. In the meantime, though, we got on the HUB's bad side. We went against an order given by Victoria Hand to not do anything. We disobeyed a direct order. And added to the hacking and extraction you did to get me and Fitz out of Ossetia, that makes two disregarded orders.

The HUB had to do something against us because if the word spread out that we're free to do anything we want, other teams or agents would do the same and SHIELD would just crumble from the inside.

We were given team missions and we managed to do in two weeks what other teams would have done in a month. Now they want to see how we work on our own because, even though they have underestimated us before, we _are_ Coulson's elite team.”

He looked at her and Fitz and then at Skye, who looked baffled.

“Our team has Coulson, a man who has fought with the Avengers against a god, and May, woman that is defined the Cavalry inside SHIELD; then I'm there and I was known as a one man specialist team for years. Then there's FitzSimmons who have been famous since the Academy and all through Sci-Ops as a duo and then Fitz goes off and dismantles some unknown bomb in a Russian battlefield and Simmons isolates and identifies an alien virus, finding a cure to it, all in her lab.” Jemma felt her face warm up at Ward's words. She turned and saw that Fitz was just as flustered. “And then there's you, Skye, who managed to hack the _HUB's_ mainframe while being tagged by SHIELD's security sensor.” Skye blushed slightly.

“What I'm saying is that we're being watched. And judged. So, we'll go to the HUB and get through any mission they put us through and get it down because that's what our team does. And then we'll see what happens.” Ward turned to Skye. “I doubt Coulson will ever let the team be split apart. He's just allowing the HUB to play with us for a while.”

Skye nodded and smiled slightly before going upstairs. Ward lingered at the door.

“FitzSimmons?” She and Fitz looked up. “Are you two ok?”

“Yes. “ Jemma replied with a small smile.

“Yeah..” Fitz remarked with a nod.

“Good. We'll be at the HUB in twenty.” Ward nodded at them and went upstairs too.

Jemma turned to look at Fitz and saw how he carefully worked on putting away his working tools. The DWARFScase was set next to him, open, and she saw that Bashful and Sleepy were still out. Her gaze swept over her work space and when she was sure that she had taken all her things, she walked towards him.

He barely looked up when she settled next to him, on his left side. She took one of the small bots and continued the maintenance and check-up. She felt his gaze for a moment and looked up just as he looked back down, unable to fight a smile. She knew that he would trust the DWARFSonly with her.

They worked in silence but it was not the comfortable one that she was used to. There was some underlying tension here, something that put some heavy weight on their shoulders and hearts.

“Jemma.?”

She almost dropped Sleepy and fumbled with him for a moment before putting him away and then turned to Fitz, ignoring the light tug in her chest.

He had started to call her with her first name again. It had occurred a couple of time. It had happened when they were alone, just the two of them. When he was about to leave for his mission. And then...

_  
'JEMMAAA.. PLEASE... NOOOO.!!'_

  
She still had nightmares about it. And amidst the absence of gravity and the feeling of falling endlessly, his voice would reach her, begging her to stop.

She composed herself and looked at him. His eyes were were calm and serious.

“Yes..?”

“Do you ever think of what would happen if..if things went bad?”

She blinked.

Bad..? As in..?

She recalled his face when she had been standing at the edge of the cargo ramp. The distraught look and the tears... The feeling of something breaking inside her as well.

She imagined watching him leave and waiting for him to come back. She imagined being told that he wouldn't. Something in her heart cracked at the mere _thought_.

Something must have showed on her face because his eyes widened.

“Hey, no, not _that_ bad,” hequickly corrected himself, nudging her shoulder with his. “Just... if we split as a team, do you think that we would be separated as well..?”

“I don't think so...”

“But what if did happen, Jemma..?”

“Fitz.” She looked at him. She couldn't bring herself to call him Leo. After all these years of getting used to call him Fitz, calling him Leo would just feel intimate. More intimate than what they were used to. More intimate than she could afford to now.

And she couldn't tamper with her feelings like that...

“Fitz... Honestly, would we allow that? Would we allow _anyone_ to separate us?”

He stared at her, taking in her words.

“No, we wouldn't,” hereplied and smiled at her. She smiled back, ignoring another tug in her chest and closed the DWARFS case.

She kept noticing things, details about him that she always acknowledged or ignored previously. The way his eyes would brighten and crinkle when he smiled, the way the light played with his hair, curls looking blond and then sandy brown as he moved and his eyes tended to blend from a sky blue to a darker tone according to his emotions.. She found herself staring more often.

She wondered how he hadn't noticed and asked her about it. Or how she even got anything done in the lab.

She _did_ notice, however, that he would look at her more often. She felt his gaze more than once. She noticed that he was more protective towards her. He was more jealous.

The Chitauri incident had changed something in him as well.

That delicate balance that had been their relationship was now a rocking see-saw. It was up to them to decide what to do with it.

_'Landing in 5.'_

They looked at each other and got their bags to leave.

-:-

Jemma was the first to leave as soon as they landed.

She had barely the time to realize that it was snowing outside the HUB when she was called by Agent Coulson and told that she was headed to the Sahara again. The 0-8-4 had left some residues that had to be tested before SHIELD could consider using it.

May would accompany her and this made her feel less nervous as she boarded the other SHIELD plane. She barely had time to say goodbye to the others and when she was inside the plane, she saw Fitz from a port hole. He was standing outside the Bus and when he saw her, he waved. She waved back.

She could clearly see the uncertain look on his face. She felt the same: getting away from him was just... _wrong_.

The mission should have taken two days, according to the Sci-Ops agents with whom she worked.

She took all the samples and had them analysed and tested in less than one, barely eating and without bothering to sleep. She was on her way to the HUB almost 24 hours after she left and on the plane, she received an email.

[15:40 - From leo.fitz] – Hey, Jemma.. How are things going in the desert?

She promptly replied.

[15:45 - To leo.fitz] – The 0-8-4 has been cleared. I'm on my way home.

[15:50 - From leo.fitz] – Great.. :) I'll be waiting for you then.

[15:55 - To leo.fitz] – See you in a few hours.. :)

She smiled as she put away her tablet and she ducked her head away, hoping to hide the blush that she felt inflaming her cheeks, as she saw May looking at her with knowing eyes.

When they landed, she found Fitz waiting for her with a smile on his face. It took all her will not to jump and hug him but just smile back. They spent the evening in their lab, talking about her mission and wondering how Skye was doing on her first mission alone (she had left shortly after Jemma did).

Fitz left shortly after to New York to work on some mainframe that had been tampered with. She went to send him off and when he claimed that he would be back by night, she noticed how the other Sci-Ops agents looked at him with a haughty, superior look.

She had to fight back a laugh when Fitz did come back by night and the other senior agents just looked as though they had eaten something sour.

“You didn't make many friends during that mission, did you?” She asked teasingly as they walked up the cargo ramp. He snorted.

“Not at all. They were just too obnoxious,” Hereplied. “What's the point of discussing every single thing? The mainframe's logic board and silicate encasing were damaged: just fix it!”

She chuckled. He always had this to-the-point  attitude when working. He grinned at her.

“So, anyone else back?” He asked as they went upstairs to the lounge room. It was all very quiet.

“Skye's somewhere in the HUB, briefing for that data security breach in Maine. Ward got back and was sent off to... Manila, I think, with May. Something about a black market selling unknown power sources that function on Gamma radiations. Coulson was having multiple meetings with HQ.”

“Oh. So it's just us here.”

“Yes.. Are you hungry? I can see if I can get something quickly done for dinner.”

She suddenly felt tired. It was almost 48 hours since she had actually slept. She stretched her arms as she walked to the kitchenette. She had barely opened one of the cupboards when his hand stopped her abruptly. She turned around and found herself face to face with Fitz.

“F-Fitz, what..?” She stammered, a blush attacking her cheeks. He looked at her carefully.

“Did you even sleep since we got here?” He asked. When she shook her head, he frowned.

“I'll sleep tonight,” She reassured him, “It's just that.. I got here and then you left immediately afterwards and I just couldn't...” She looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

She didn't just admit that she couldn't sleep because he was away.. Did she?

She looked up and saw him avert his gaze. She saw the blush colouring his face and how he scratched the back of his neck with his hand.

“Well... I suppose we'll both be sleeping tonight then...” He admitted. Her eyes widened as he smiled sheepishly. She smiled back tentatively.

“So... I'd say no to dinner,” Fitz said after a few moments of silence. “You make the tea and I'll get us some sandwiches.”

“Alright,” She replied. “There's some aioli if you-”

“Found it!” She smiled as his voice echoed from the fridge and set the kettle for tea.

It was familiar, the two of them in the kitchen, each doing something to get their meal done. It reminded her of their years at Uni or the Academy and at Sci-Ops.

It was the silence that made it more familiar. The Bus was never so quiet.

She took two mugs and the tea bags, waiting for the water to boil. Her gaze fell on the small calendar near the fridge.

“It's December tomorrow,” shesaid in awe. When did the days fly so fast?

Fitz looked at her as he made their sandwiches.

“Yeah..You just noticed that?” He asked.

“Yes. It doesn't even feel like winter.”

“Oh, it does. It was freezing in New York.”

“Fitz, I have been twice in the Saharan desert where 15 °C degrees is deemed as cold.” He snorted. “And then I've been locked in the HUB.”

“You should be glad. You love winter but tend to freeze in the cold. This time you got the warmth.”

She frowned.

“It doesn't feel like winter. Hell, it will be Christmas in four weeks and I barely feel the spirit.”

“Oh you will.. Once we're back to normal..”

“And when would that be?”

“I don't know... probably when we're flying around on the Bus again. Or.. well, we could ask for a few days off, you know? Go home for Christmas?”

“I doubt that Coulson -no, maybe _he_ would- but SHIELD would allow us to go back to UK..”

“I meant our house. Our apartment in Boston.”

She turned to look at him, almost dropping a mug. She felt something warm spread in her chest as he said _our_ house.

But even more when he suggested to spend Christmas there.

In all these years, they had spent only one Christmas alone and it had been their first one together. All the others, they had spent with their families, switching house every year.

And now, as he suggested to spend the holiday at their apartment, just them... It sounded so intimate.

She saw his face fall slightly and realized that she hadn't answered yet.

“That would be lovely. I mean... We could go there for the holidays. Just... us.” She hoped that her face wasn't as red as she felt it.

“Yeah..?” He asked hopeful. She felt something melt in her.

“Yeah.” She smiled as he grinned, turning to finish their quick meal.

She couldn't help the smile on her face as she made the tea.

Was this where they were heading? This soft, delicate intimacy where they did things together? Where a smile or a brushed touch wouldn't make them avert their gazes but just accept and maybe respond to it?

He approached her with two plates of his favourite sandwich and she walked after him with the mugs of tea. They sat on the couch and quietly ate and drank.

She realised that she had never fully appreciated this domesticity before. At Uni and the Academy, it had been normal: they shared a dorm room. At their apartment, it became natural.

Right now, on the Bus, it just felt right.

Somewhere during the night, she fell asleep, exhaustion getting the best on her. She woke up suddenly, hours later, and found herself tucked under a blanket, her head lying on Fitz's shoulder, his fingers slowly going up and down her back.

She looked up and saw him staring down at her, his blue eyes clear as glass. She felt the urge, sudden and not so foreign, to kiss him, to close the little distance between them. But she quickly realized that she could break this fragile stability they had. They were doing what they did best: getting in sync and allowing their minds and bodies to get along flawlessly. She didn't want to shatter that process and get them to restart -if possible- all over again.

“Is this alright?” He asked softly, his breath warm against her cheeks.

“Yes..” She whispered, snuggling her face against the crook of his neck. “You should get some sleep too..”

“I will... Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” She felt him brush his lips against her hair and she knew that he could feel her smile against his neck.

-:-

The two weeks passed but the Bus didn't move from the HUB. It seemed that Victoria Hand still needed the Team here. They were constantly sent around the planet for missions and assignments.

And the days went by..

Jemma walked into the Bus, returning from a epidemic episode caused by some device in Tanzania. She had been away for five days but she didn't complain: it had helped her keep her mind busy.

She hadn't seen Fitz in ten days.

He had been sent to some facility in Russia with the clear orders to keep silent and to not contact anyone. It was an area patrolled by separatists and while there hadn't been any gunfire episodes, SHIELD had detected security breaches. So Fitz had been sent there to fix or build a stable mainframe. Fortunately May was with him, so Jemma didn't really fear for his safety.

May could be many things but she was _fiercely_ protective of her team.

But even knowing that he was with the Cavalry, didn't shake off the feeling of dread in her veins.

The most that they had been apart without any contact had been two days, during his mission with Ward. Even now that they were in full-field-agent-mode, they managed to be separated for a day at most.

After two days, she had felt something missing. Like a part of her had been taken away. She felt incomplete: no one finished her thoughts as she worked in the lab or in the HUB's Sci-Ops facility for some assignment. She had been only Simmons, brilliant biochemist and other agents had wanted to talk to her or work with her but though she held her smiling façade, she couldn't help but feel the emptiness of not being part of FitzSimmons as usual.

After five days, she truly realised that she was unravelling. She had wanted to fix some tea and automatically took out two mugs: it was only when she got to pour the water that she realized her mistake.

She had been given assignments that didn't require her to leave the HUB or the Bus so she spent most of her time alone in the lab. _Their_ lab.

Coulson and Skye would appear, every now and then. The older agent would ask of her well-being, probably noticing her tired state. She wasn't getting much sleep. He would never give her information about Fitz and she never asked: her Level 5 status didn't allow her to do so.

The brunette would come to keep her company whenever she could. They would talk about their Team, about leaving the HUB that was suffocating them after months of flying on a plane, about Victoria Hand who was binding them here, Agent Sitwell who Jemma had thankfully avoided whenever she caught a glimpse of him and about their boys. Ward was somewhere in Europe (Jemma couldn't even _remember_ when she had last seen Ward) and Fitz was in Russia. If being away from Fitz was unravelling Jemma, not seeing Ward was slowly crushing Skye. Both girls has avoided talking about what this distance was doing to them: it was something they could see on the other but not something they could deal within themselves.

The mission came at the right time because she had been on the verge of finding Skye and just get do some bad-girl shenanigans and find out what was happening to Fitz.

Jemma walked into the lab. It was so quiet that she could hear her own heartbeat. She dropped her bag on her workspace and looked around.

It was all so silent. It was so unlike their lab.

She sat on his chair and sank on the seat. His lab coat was still draped on it and she turned her head, inhaling slowly. She caught a whiff of his cologne and the ever present scent of solder and mint.

He always had the combined scent due to his habit of tinkering with any machine and eating mints.

She took a deep breath. She was exhausted but sleep was a foreign concept to her now.

She had spent the last five days working endlessly to get a vaccine ready. And while she worked, with other Sci-Ops agents but mostly on her own, she recalled the Chitauri virus.

Fitz hadn't left her side once. He had been there and helped her out, coaxed her, fought with her and cried with her..

He had faced the virus face-on with her, entering the quarantined lab. He had helped make the antiserum. He had been her beacon of hope. As always.

She wondered when she had taken Fitz's presence for granted. It must have started early on, at MIT.

Ten years ago.

She and Fitz had been together for _ten_ years. She realized that it was almost half her life.

Always next to each other. Always close. Never apart.

These ten days had made her realize that she did know how to _be_ alone: she could do her job, work and live. Her body would let her go on.

What she didn't know was how to live _without_ Fitz. It was as though her brain and heart didn't work properly. She was too used in sharing both with him for so long that alone, she couldn't function.

_She loved him._

She closed her eyes.

It was Christmas Eve tomorrow.

And she didn't even know where he was. _If_ he was fine. Never had she felt so helpless and hopeless as this Christmas.

She sat on the chair for a while, her feelings building in her chest. Suddenly, her tablet gave a ring. She reached for it saw that she had a mail. Her heart leapt in her throat.

[20:50 - From leo.fitz] – I'm fine, just stuck here trying to understand if this mainframe is stable. I'm pretty sure it is but the others are not for that. I can't leave till we have the certainty. I'm so sorry, Jemma.

He was apologizing. Typical Fitz.. He wasn't even the cause of the problem but he was apologizing to her because he can't be with her for Christmas. She felt a raw lump come up her throat and noticed that there was another email.

[20:51 - From leo.fitz] – I miss you.

The tears started falling before she could even stop them. She quickly typed an answer.

[20:55 - To leo.fitz] - I miss you too.

She knew that he couldn't answer back: he probably took advantage of a moment of known security to send her the message. He was so damn reckless, sometimes...

She missed him. She missed him _so_ much.

The tears just fell and she started to sob quietly against his lab coat, wishing that it was him.

 

Hadn't she been crying, she would have noticed Agent Coulson standing outside the lab. She would have seen his grim expression suddenly change as he walked back to the HUB.

-:-

She didn't how it happened.

She had been shaken awake by Skye after she had cried herself to sleep in the lab. Then Coulson appeared, saying that she was off duty for three days and that a plane was going to take her to Boston.

“Sir..I can't..-” She protested but the agent cut her off.

“No buts, Simmons. You're leaving in ten minutes. I'm having Fitz get on a plane and he'll be there by the evening.”

Her eyes widened.

“Fitz..?”

It was Skye that answered with a beaming smile, something that had been missing on her face lately.

“A.C got us out of the HUB!” She exclaimed. Coulson smiled, ignoring the nickname and looked at Jemma with a soft gaze.

“Fitz is being boarded on a plane to Boston from Moscow. Skye and I will fetch May and then we're off to pick Ward. It's time for our team to be reunited and for us to do our usual jobs. I think that you have duly paid my rescue mission's costs.”

Jemma couldn't believe it. She smiled slightly and went to pick her bag.

-:-

She was pacing. He was due to be here any minute but the sudden blizzard must slowed him down.

She had got to their apartment to find it dusty, cold and food-less. It had taken her a couple of hours to solve all the problems. By late evening, she had the house clean, the heating on to make the house's climate bearable and a small Christmas dinner cooking. She had showered and, in the haste, she had put on Fitz's blue jumper.

She heard him, the keys dangling as he put the right one in. Jemma didn't move and waited.

Fitz came in and tossed his duffel bag on the ground. He looked exhausted, covered in snow but he seemed fine. Not hurt.

_He was here._

She moved towards him and he looked at her, moving forward too. Her arms were around his neck and his were on her waist and he lifted her up as he embraced her.

“God, I missed you so much,” Hesaid, burying his face in her hair. She had her face in the crook of his neck.

“I missed you too,” shewhispered. Her hands went up to cup his face. “You are really here..”

He smiled and she felt as though she was finally breathing again. His eyes, though a bit sunken in, shone brightly and his hair was ruffled and covered in snow.

He never looked more handsome to her.

“I am,” hesaid, putting her on the ground. “And so are you, love.” His hands cupped her face, his fingertips gently tracing lines on her cheeks.

The look on his face, the way he was looking at her, the way he called her, made her blush furiously. There was so much tenderness in his stare, so much... love.

“You are probably freezing,” she remarked, taking in his appearance. “Is it really snowing so hard?”

He shrugged off his coat and hung it with his scarf to the hanger.

“About that... I just wanted to keep up with your tradition.” He opened the front door and picked something that was outside.

Jemma's eyes widened.

He was carrying a small snowman with pebbled eyes and nose. He looked at it quite proudly.

“I know that you usually build it outside before dinner but I really didn't want you out with this blizzard and so I made this little guy here...”

Jemma felt her heart lodge in her throat. Whatever had she done to deserve this sweet and loving man?

He put the miniature snowman near the window sill.

“He shouldn't melt too fast here,” he told her. “I mean... We can make another tomorrow. I just didn't want you to have-”

“Leo.”

He looked at her, pleasantly surprised. She smiled.

“It's perfect,” She remarked, approaching him. And without further thoughts, she stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

Fitz's eyes widened as she kissed him. It was a quick peck, feather-like. She didn't give him time to react as she stepped back.

“You probably want to take a shower. Go ahead while I get dinner done..”

He nodded numbly and walked to get his bag. However, half-way he turned back, startling her and quickly pecked her lips. He stepped back immediately just like she had and smiled at her.

She just smiled back.

-:-

They were huddled on the couch together, television playing some old Christmas movie and the empty mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of them. They had talked about their missions and about everything that had occurred in these ten days that they were apart.

She was curled into him, her hands on his chest, head just below his chin.

“I didn't get you a present.” She confessed, looking up.

“Neither did I,” He replied. He placed a soft kiss on her nose. “Though I was pretty lucky this year: I got to be with you.”

“That was Coulson's present. He got me you.”

“Oh, really..? If I had known, I would dressed up with wrapping paper and put a bow on my head.”

“Now that's something I'd like to see.” Jemma laughed softly. He laughed along with her.

They heard a clock chime, announcing that it was midnight.

She scrambled out from his lap and looked at him.

“Happy Christmas, Leo.”

“Happy Christmas, Jemma.”

They looked at each other and then moved as one, so in sync now that knew what the other wanted to do.

Jemma smiled softly as their mouths connected. She saw Leo's eyes soften and then she just gave in to the her feelings. Years of dancing around each other fuelled this kiss.

Her hands raked through his curls, his hands traced her curves and they just got lost into each other.  
  


-:-

At Christmas, the following year, Leo gave Jemma a snowflake pendant because she loved winter. She gave him a hand-knit jumper and scarf because she still stole his sweaters.

They kissed under the mistletoe (and also without it) through loud catcalling of the families. Their mothers just smiled: they had always known...

-:-  
  


_-Years later-_  
  


Jemma woke up, blinking as a ray of light made its way through the shutter's holes. She smiled to herself when she recalled what day it was today and decided to get up.

Only to find an arm draped over her waist.

She turned to her side and smiled fondly at the sleeping figure of her husband. She scooted closer to him, enjoying the warmth that just seeped from him.

She brushed her nose against his as she peppered kisses along his jaw.

“Leo,” She whispered through the kisses, “Leo, sweetheart...”

He mumbled something in his sleep and she chuckled. She resumed kissing him, this time lingering on his lips.

“Wake up, sweetheart...”

“It's too early, love...” He muttered with closed eyes. She smiled and kissed him again. Hard.

Leo opened his eyes, thoroughly enjoying his wake up. He cupped her face and kissed her back.

Jemma pulled back and rested her forehead against his.

“As much as I would love to continue doing this, I really think that we should get up,” she said.

“Why so?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her. They both heard a door close and then hurried footsteps. “Oh... I remember.” He grinned at her.

They heard a quick knock at their door and before either could speak, the door opened and a tiny girl of three years old hopped on their bed.

“Mummy, Daddy! It's Christmas!” She was literally vibrating with excitement.

“It is, sweetheart,” Jemma said, getting up and brushing a kiss to her daughter’s silky dark blonde hair. “Happy Christmas.”

Leo got up too, kissing the girl's hair and then placing a kiss on his wife's temple.

“Ready for today, Kathleen?”

Their daughter’s bright blue eyes shone with excitement.

“Yes, Daddy! You promised to teach me how to make a snowman!”

“Someone's excited...” He mused with a smile.

“I really like snow and winter, Daddy! Just like Mummy!” She looked at her. “You want to make the snowman too, right Mummy?”

Jemma smiled and slanted a glance at Leo who was grinning.

“Of course I do,” she replied.

“Well, can't make my ladies wait then, can I? Come on, breakfast first and then we go out.” He said, getting out bed. Kathleen bounced off the bed and headed downstairs.

He turned to her and held out a hand. She took it, getting out of bed. He kissed the inside of her wrist.

“Time to teach and pass on some family traditions,” he remarked.

“Yes,”she said, smiling, “They worked pretty well with us..”

He smiled back at her and they both headed downstairs.


End file.
